Why is it that communication is easier when you are talking to a perfect stranger? I went out last night with some friends and have had so many things on my mind. I have been thinking about work, relationships, and finishing my degrees. It is amazing what a cocktail will do to eliminate the metaphorical barriers that exist and hinder us from sharing ourselves with people we are close to. Anyways I went out last night and enjoyed it very much. I had an opportunity to share about myself and people were interested in listening to me last night. They were not bored or pretended to be interested in what I had to say---they really were--. I enjoyed having a night out with friends and communicating about everything! It was liberating. Although I long for this kind of communication in my personal relationships, it just does not seem possible...all of the time. Things that I desire to share, with people in my life, I am unable to share with them. I am scared to share because of judgment. I sometimes wonder if this kind of communication (open communication) is only possible when you really do not know a person or desire to really become their friend. Friendships, and relationships are exhausting and take work, they are not always fun. I think I communicate better with strangers because I know that their problem will not become mine because we are only connected for a moment. Well I think my mind is tired of trying to find a way to communicate effectively without being disrespectful to the person that I love.

I hate that I love the way that I do. Sometimes I love to intensely. I want people to understand my imperfections and embrace them as well as my perfections. When I was younger I thought that being in love was sort of like the Cinderella story with the soundtrack of Jodeci. I wanted a knight in shining armor and a thug all wrapped into one. I always seem to fall in love with men that cause me to begin to hate the way that I love. I have a tendency to love too much. I begin to forget about myself. I love regardless of the consequences. I find that loving this way is destructive to me and there is no progress.